A Matter of Respect

I have speculated before how this year would be different for me. As a medical student and resident I was always very subservient. The hierarchy in medicine is very well defined and while it is more flexible in pediatrics than other branches of medicine, it is still definitely observed. I was always painfully aware of where I fit in the hierarchy which was basically at the bottom.
I had a year off, however, and worked as an attending, definitely closer to the top of the hierarchy. Accentuating the position difference was the fact that I worked at an adult hospital where the nurses call you doctor, instead of using your first name like they do at a children's hospital. I really felt like an in-charge professional. In addition, I had Nathan and my priorities underwent a major frame shift. Because of those things I knew I would be less content to be subservient and be a much better advocate for myself and my time. Until now, I really had not been tested.
Yesterday, however, I did something I would never previously have done. I walked out on a conference.
I was at a conference that was supposed to start at 4pm. Now, no one really expected it to start at 4pm because the attending has a reputation for perpetual lateness. His patent quote? "The name means good time, not on time." It's supposed to end at 5:15 but it basically ends an hour and a half after it starts, no matter when he deigns to arrive.
I am the opposite. I am almost pathologically on time. I know I used to make my mom crazy because to me, on time was actually late. I firmly believed that the only way to ensure being on time was to be early, and got a little hysterical if my chauffeur did not support me in this. Today, I still feel that way, preferring to be the first to arrive rather than risk being late. I find being late extremely disrespectful to the people who are waiting for you. Its sends a message that the person being late believes their time to be more valuable. I used to put up with it, but I no longer believe my time is less important than anyone else's. I have a lot of things to do and a lot of people depending on me, and I put in an effort to be on time. I deserve nothing less.
Yesterday, it was 5pm and the 4pm conference had not yet started, and I just snapped. I knew that he expected to walk in when he was ready and find us all sitting there expectantly waiting to be taught. I also knew he would offer no apology and that it had never crossed his mind to call and tell us he would be late. So I left.
A little finger of guilt nagged me as I walked out the door, but it was gone by the time I got to day care to pick up my boy; someone whose smile is undeniably more important to me than the good opinion of someone who doesn't respect me at all.