Good-bye SSRI

I am weaning off my Celexa.
I started it almost exactly a year ago during the darkest part of my life to date.  It's the time when I was so overwhelmed and tired and angry and sad and defeated that I once wore a surgical mask for an entire today because I literally couldn't stop crying whether working at the computer or examining patients, and I wanted people to think I had a cold.  It's the time when there are no blog posts, almost no pictures of my boy.  It's the time when I tried to quit my fellowship.  It's the time when Dave was a fabulous single parent and husband who kept us all going.
It's a time that came to a head at the beginning of a busy clinic when I was literally locked in a bathroom by my crushing overwhelming emotions, crying so hard I started to throw up, and once that started, I gave up entirely.  In front of a crowded nursing station I wailed my intention to go home and likely never come back and I left.  Dave had to come drive me home.  I left my patients behind, completely unconcerned about what might happen to them.
I started Celexa the next day.
I made it through the remainder of the year without any more huge breakdowns, though it was a while before I felt like I could take a deep breath, and even longer before an accumulation of small stresses didn't make me hyperventilate and tear up.

Maybe if I hadn't been a first year fellow AND a new mommy.  Maybe if my baby hadn't been sick so much.  Maybe if milk supply hadn't been such a source of angst and used up so much time.  Maybe if I hadn't missed him being sick for so long before we realized.  Maybe if the winter hadn't been one of the worst on record.  Maybe if I hadn't smashed my car into a snow bank.  Maybe if my clinic preceptor had actually offered help, or at least agreed to help when asked.  Maybe if two of my favorite patients hadn't relapsed in the same week.  Maybe, maybe, maybe.  Maybe it wouldn't have gotten to that point.

All that aside, I am now stopping the meds and I am just amazed by how much it has obviously changed my brain chemistry.  I am currently taking half a dose every other day.  Every time I have decreased it, I have been really uncomfortable for a while before I get adjusted again.  My last dose was almost 48 hours ago.  I feel shaky and disconnected.  My legs and arms feel weak and I have trouble focusing.  I am having a little trouble finishing sentences.  I have a huge hole in my planning and executive function.  I am not comfortable doing the things I am supposed to be doing in the lab so I sat down to work on the grant application I am writing. No dice.  I think I might throw the towel in and go home.
Driving very slowly, of course.